Quantity does not ensure quality

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So a few days ago, I went to my first speed dating event through dateanddash.  Over the course of 2 hours I went on 14 mini-dates that each lasted 5 minutes.  Overall, it was pretty fun.  5 minutes goes by pretty quickly.  You barely get to chat and then it's over.  A couple drinks before made it also rather entertaining.  I went into it thinking, "hey I don't need to impress anyone.  I am just looking for chemistry."  It was definitely more fun than I thought it would be, but my preconceived notions that quantity does no equal quality were verified.  Minus the 2 attractive friends that I brought with me, it was overall not the best of girls.  It reminded me that just meeting 14 girls doesn't mean that you will meet 14 dateable girls.

The redeeming thing that came out of the whole event was that I ended up getting the phone number of one of the coordinators for the event.  I thought of it like "ordering off the menu" and thinking outside the box.  She was definitely the most attractive girl there (brunette, white, with a nice smile) and seemed to laugh easily and was easy to talk to.  We'll see what happens but I am definitely intrigued.

Southwest Rapid Rewards Bait and Switch Scam

See the transcript of my recent application for a Southwest Visa.  It's pretty interesting how big banks still try to screw you at every chance they get.  Let's see what happened with Chase!!


-----
I made my first purchase and per your request I am contacting you to get the additional 8 rapid reward credits. This still does not explain why I was not set up to get this in the first place. How many other customers is this happening to, who aren't looking as carefully? This is not a historical offer I am quoting, it is the offer mentioned on the aforementioned website.

http://www.mychasecreditcards.com/southwest/homepage

I included this in the last email. This is effectively a bait and switch tactic, something that should be reported to the BBB or consumer advocacy groups. And how well is Chase representing southwest's interests by short-changing customers who apply for their rapid rewards account?


-----
Dear BXXXXXXX,

Thank you for your recent inquiry regarding the credit
card account. I have received your request for a free
roundtrip Award.

In reviewing the account, I have verified that the
enrollment offer is to receive 8 Rapid Rewards credits
within 6 to 8 weeks after your first purchase and the
opportunity to earn up to 8 Rapid Rewards credits for
completing balance transfers. You earn one Rapid Rewards
credit for each $1,200 in balance transfers you make
within the first 90 days the account is open, up to a
maximum of eight Rapid Rewards credits.

After you make your first purchase, please contact me
through the secure email server and I will add 9600 Reward
Dollars (8 Rapid Reward credits) to the account to match
the offer for 16 Rapid Reward credits.

For every 16 credits that you receive in a consecutive 24
months, Southwest Airlines will automatically issue a
fully transferable roundtrip Award. The roundtrip Award is
free, but travel is subject to the September 11th Security
Fee.

If you have any further questions, please reply using the
Secure Message Center.

Thank you,

Andrea XXXXXX
E-mail Customer Service Representative

Account is owned by Chase Bank USA, N.A. and may be
serviced by its affiliates.




Original Message Follows:
------------------------

Re: my southwest credit card I just received. E mail I
got today says:

"Don t forget to use your card right away to receive 8
Rapid Rewards bonus credits after your first purchase!2
You will qualify and receive 8 bonus credits after your
first purchase/first use of the card. First purchase/first
use includes purchases, balance transfers, or any checks
that are used to access your account, and excludes cash
advances. One bonus credit will also be credited to your
Rapid Rewards account for each $1,200 in balance transfers
within the first 90 days from account opening, up to a
maximum of 8 credits or $9,600 . Balance transfers are
subject to a fee. Please allow 6 to 8 weeks for bonus
credits to post to your Rapid Rewards account. "

Why am I only getting 8 credits!

The southwest visa website states:

"You will qualify for and receive 16 bonus credits after
your first purchase/first use of the card. First
purchase/first use includes purchases, balance transfers,
or any checks that are used to access your account, and
excludes cash advances. One bonus credit will also be
credited to your Rapid Rewards account for each $1,200 in
balance transfers within the first 90 days from account
opening, up to a maximum of 8 credits or $9,600 ."

http://www.mychasecreditcards.com/southwest/visa

Why is their a discrepancy? And which is correct? 16
credits equals a flight, 8 credits is nothing.

Please explain.

The myth of being swept off your feet

I was talking to my friend the other day, and she mentioned that she is the romantic type and wants to be swept off her feet by some guy. When she meets said guy, he will come in really strong and pursue her, and sparks will fly. In the mean time, she doesn't "want to have been dating a ton of guys."

I thought about this, and thought about how --- ridiculous that sounds, but also how many girls buy into this. I adore this friend, but she has been single for years. Part of it is that she doesn't understand men, and partly she doesn't understand how she comes off. In her quest to "not have been dating a ton of guys" this very attractive, actually fun and nice girl gives most guys the cold shoulder. She doesn't want to settle. I understand that. But guys are not going to go in hot, guns, blazing on some girl they don't even know. Add to that the fact that she is not the best flirter, and a surgeon, which can be intimidating in itself.

Guys are like seedlings. They float in the wind and eventually settle in some fertile soil (girl they are interested in, try to stick with my metaphor here). If they don't feel that these are fertile grounds, i.e. a girl reciprocating any of those feelings, then they don't have opportunities to spread their roots and become the tall, immovable tree. Their hold is very tenuous due to their own fragile egos. They easily get blown to the wind and look for better grounds. If it is the right girl, she makes him feel good about where he is, then it can blossom into something beautiful and enduring. That is where the romance happens, that is where sparks start to fly, not before. Guys have feelings too, and if they have ever put themselves out there, they have gotten rejected. The good ones will respectfully bow out and move on. They learn to protect themselves not out of disenchantment but necessity. This is why guys these days go for coffee on 1st dates so commonly. Why go all out, when you know nothing about the person? It is really only the douchebags, and sleazy guys who have no feelings because they had no expectations of commitment or love who will go in guns blazing, but that is all just a ruse.

All this hollywood glorification of pursuing the ice queen is pure rubbish. We see movies of guys getting rejected time and time again, but keep trying, and it wins over the girl somehow? In this day and age of "no means no", stalking, and sexual harrassment, pursuing such an approach can be potentially legally hazardous. And as opposed to the characters in "Mad Men" we actually listen to what women have to say. And think about it, if a guy is persistent about pursuing a girl he barely knows who is being totally cold, the sole reason he is doing it is because she is attractive and wants to get in her pants (see douchebag comment from above) and has no personal investment.

So to all the ladies out there, guys will take the first step, but they approach hoping to receive feedback. They won't knock you over on the first try, but give them positive encouragement, and they will get there. So flirt back! Give the guy opportunities to become more confident as he spreads his roots. You will be glad you did, and looking back you will realize you were swept off your feet.

Lightning Strikes and Thunderstorms

Chicago has been having some pretty crazy storms. It's usually a day of sunshine followed by freak thunderstorms. Check this video out of Chi-town during one of these storms. Pretty wicked video.


Lightning strikes three of the tallest buildings in Chicago at the same time! from Craig Shimala on Vimeo.

Crazy psychedelic room light

Coolest Room Ever

This is a pretty crazy room. Not for me but kickass nonetheless.

The case for Mr. Good Enough

Dr. Gottlieb, who happens to be a graduate from my medical school wrote a great article in the Atlantic leading up to the release of her book.  The link to the article is here.  I think it puts the most succinct rebuttal to the myth of sex and the city.  I admit I have seen my fair share of Carrie Bradshaw (but that's another story entirely).

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/6651/

What she describes is that as women mature, their tastes in men and their wants out of life mature.  The deal breakers of today aren't the deal breakers of tomorrow.  And though some women call that "settling" in the present, it really takes a lot of insight to be able to look past the winsome wants or dislikes of today.  Men and women did not evolve to be living until our 80's like we frequently do today and our reproductive capacity drops off after a certain age -- true more in women than in men.  But I agree that as I approach the tender age of 30 and it looms ever nearer, I see my female friends going into a panic.  Now I am not advocating to settle for unhealthy relationships, but "real relationships" not Hollywood concocted fantasies/farces of a relationship. 

I find myself not wanting to waste women's time or my own if I don't think it's going to work out.  I think this article really addressed the 800-pound gorilla sitting in the room amongst my 30-year old female friends.

Thoughts on race

Well, what are the facts?

Among people who identify themselves as Asian/Pacific Islander on the U.S. Census, the number of Asian Female mixed couples compared to Asian Male mixed couples is dramatically skewed. It is more culturally accepted and even portrayed in the media that an Asian woman is a perfectly acceptable life partner for caucasian males. Now does that mean that Asian males should ostracize or denigrate women of their race who choose to date outside? Of course not. Not only do you gripe about the fate that has befallen you, but you blame it on the very people you hope to win the hearts and minds of. That is not a solution, instead embrace it. Culturally, you can date anyone you want. Isn't that liberating, rather than restricting?

What I see most often leading to low morale and self-esteem among Asian men is that they would like to be able to date other races, but feel blocked out. They feel that cultural stereotypes put them at a disadvantage while putting their female counterparts at an advantage. Dating isn't easy. It's a lot of trial and error and a lot of changing one person's mind at a time. And because they "feel" like they can't date outside of their race, they resent the fact that others are dating from what was traditionally "their pool of dating partners." Well, guys you have to snap out of it. In a world of increasing globalization and exposure to other cultures, you have to adapt. And women are not prizes to be won. They are looking for happiness and love, just as we are.

Now, I am not saying to change yourself. But universally, I have found that women are attracted to confident, successful, charismatic men. You can have Asian values and be all of those things, so don't view it as limiting, sometimes you just need to get out of your rut. I have two younger brothers and our dating proclivities are night and day, but we all adhere to similar principles, be true to yourself and put your best foot forward with a smile on your face and an air of self-confidence. Nobody bats 100%.

All-time favorite websites

Since moving to Chi-town my all-time favorite websites to figure out what's going on and getting settled in:

For my place:
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ -- lots of inspiration.  If you live in a small space downtown, sometimes you need to get creative.

For my life:
http://www.lifehacker.com/ -- bunch of useful tips on all sorts of things.
http://www.mint.com/ -- this website is the BOMB.  I used to have MS Money.  This is way easier and when it comes to personal finances, easier makes it better.  Plus, now it's owned by Intuit -- the people who make Quicken, so it's even better.

For going out:
chicago.metromix.com -- they're event section, though not comprehensive is pretty good.
http://www.yelp.com/ -- If you actually spend time to read the individual reviews, and not just the stars it can be pretty useful.

Those are the ones I came up with right now.  But I will add some more.

E-harmony

“You’ll never know if you don’t try it. At least in the bigger scheme of things if it sucks, then you know that you looked at bars, you tried the mutual friend route, and you looked on-line. And there’s nothing that you are missing out on,” said my brother, Chris.


“I don’t know. I just feel weird having to resort to e-harmony for dating,” I answered.

“What’s there to lose?”

“How about 149 bucks!”

“Really? You think that you’ll care about 149 bucks when you meet your wife online.”

“Fine.”

And that’s where I met Kristin.

E-harmony was an interesting experience. Here were so many people floating around as profiles, putting their best foot forward, looking for love online of all places. How do I make a profile? What pictures should I use? I don’t want to sound too nerdy, but I am kind of dorky.

My first match was Kristin. And she contacted me of all things.

“Hey Brian-So I'm new to this website the and it seems the question thing takes forever to get to know someone! I'd like to chat if you'd be up for it.

Best,
Kristin”

“Yeah. That sounds cool. I am a week into this too, so I don't really understand the 4 steps. Passionate about interior design... that sounds cool. Have you seen the show the "outdoor room"? The rooms they come up with are amazing. If you haven't seen the show you should hulu it. Tell me about what you like to do, like what are you up to this weekend? I hope to hear from you soon.”

I've never seen outdoor room...I'll definitely have to check it out. Thanks for the recommendation! So you like to ice skate? I haven't been yet this year, but when I was younger I was quite the skater!

Let's see, during the week I'm working quite a bit as well, going to kickboxing or yoga, trying new places for dinner or drinks, or volunteering with Junior League of Chicago.

As far as this weekend, Saturday I'll probably be going to yoga and then meeting a friend for a little shopping. Saturday night I think I'm actually going to a themed Jersey Shore party. Really random, but I suppose it could be entertaining! What are you up to this weekend?

Where do you live in the city? I live in Lincoln Park.”

“Yeah, I live downtown magnificent mile area. So I can walk to millenium park whenever for free ice skating (with your own skates that is).

I think it's awesome that you do kickboxing and yoga. I volunteer with Chicago Cares. I also mix it up with some hard and soft activities (i.e. jujutsu, ballroom and gymnastics).

I am hanging out with friends in the evenings on friday and saturday. You sound very outgoing and fun, we should meet up some time. Are you free for coffee or ice skating this weekend?”

And that was it. It was not nearly as stressful as I thought it would be. We ended up meeting up Sunday for brunch. It also happened to be Valentine’s day, which I didn’t pay attention to. So we showed up at the restaurant and it was filled with couples, hearts and red balloons everywhere and here I was meeting a girl that I had never met before except online. Would she look like her picture? Stories of people who looked nothing like their picture who were really serial killers sprouted in my mind. Would she really kill me in such a public place? I cleared my mind of such ridiculous thoughts and soon we were in a booth chatting about anything and everything. The thing that struck me about Kristin was that she said the right thing… all the time. It was kind of uncanny. It just made me wonder how closely she read my profile. How did she know that we would like the same things? Was she saying what she knew I wanted to hear, or was that really her and e-harmony’s 29 dimensions of compatibility actually did something right? I don’t believe in those 29 dimensions, there is no scientific merit to that.

The next several months were a whirlwind of meet and greets, ahem I mean dates. They might as well have been business dinners. As I met new people, my confidence in talking to strangers increased. At some point I started to not believe I would find anything meaningful continuing to try and find someone I actually liked.

Kristin was the only one who came close.  3 months later, $149 bucks poorer, I thought it was a great experience, but things never did work out with me and Kristin.  The issue with online dating, is just that online dating.  E-mail and the web is your competition, so maybe you click well, but you never know if someone will click better.

How I ended up in Chicago

I guess to add some credence to me being a real person and that I am writing about something real, I thought I should share a little about myself.  Give and take I guess.

Well, I was born in our nation's capital, Washington, DC.  I grew up in the typical suburban lifestyle.  I had culturally mixed parents so I was brought up "American" whatever that was.  Since then, I have lived in Boston, the SF Bay Area, and now Chicago.  I am a surgeon/doctor and until recently was doing a long-distance relationship to my Vietnamese girlfriend in Los Angeles.  That didn't work out... so here I am.