I was talking to my friend the other day, and she mentioned that she is the romantic type and wants to be swept off her feet by some guy. When she meets said guy, he will come in really strong and pursue her, and sparks will fly. In the mean time, she doesn't "want to have been dating a ton of guys."
I thought about this, and thought about how --- ridiculous that sounds, but also how many girls buy into this. I adore this friend, but she has been single for years. Part of it is that she doesn't understand men, and partly she doesn't understand how she comes off. In her quest to "not have been dating a ton of guys" this very attractive, actually fun and nice girl gives most guys the cold shoulder. She doesn't want to settle. I understand that. But guys are not going to go in hot, guns, blazing on some girl they don't even know. Add to that the fact that she is not the best flirter, and a surgeon, which can be intimidating in itself.
Guys are like seedlings. They float in the wind and eventually settle in some fertile soil (girl they are interested in, try to stick with my metaphor here). If they don't feel that these are fertile grounds, i.e. a girl reciprocating any of those feelings, then they don't have opportunities to spread their roots and become the tall, immovable tree. Their hold is very tenuous due to their own fragile egos. They easily get blown to the wind and look for better grounds. If it is the right girl, she makes him feel good about where he is, then it can blossom into something beautiful and enduring. That is where the romance happens, that is where sparks start to fly, not before. Guys have feelings too, and if they have ever put themselves out there, they have gotten rejected. The good ones will respectfully bow out and move on. They learn to protect themselves not out of disenchantment but necessity. This is why guys these days go for coffee on 1st dates so commonly. Why go all out, when you know nothing about the person? It is really only the douchebags, and sleazy guys who have no feelings because they had no expectations of commitment or love who will go in guns blazing, but that is all just a ruse.
All this hollywood glorification of pursuing the ice queen is pure rubbish. We see movies of guys getting rejected time and time again, but keep trying, and it wins over the girl somehow? In this day and age of "no means no", stalking, and sexual harrassment, pursuing such an approach can be potentially legally hazardous. And as opposed to the characters in "Mad Men" we actually listen to what women have to say. And think about it, if a guy is persistent about pursuing a girl he barely knows who is being totally cold, the sole reason he is doing it is because she is attractive and wants to get in her pants (see douchebag comment from above) and has no personal investment.
So to all the ladies out there, guys will take the first step, but they approach hoping to receive feedback. They won't knock you over on the first try, but give them positive encouragement, and they will get there. So flirt back! Give the guy opportunities to become more confident as he spreads his roots. You will be glad you did, and looking back you will realize you were swept off your feet.
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